So I've finally decided to let go of the one person I used to think I was created for. I mean I still believe I was created for him but I think he is too stupid, oblivious and whatever else to see it. Actually I think he just cares to much about what others think. I don't have time for that. But I must say that there is a great guy in my life; one who makes it very easy for me to forget about the one who haunts my dreams. Did I forget to mention he haunts my dreams? Maybe I should give him a name: Mr. Giant. Mr. Giant has done my wrong time and time again, but he was my friend first so I thought we could continue to be that. Too bad I always ended up back in his arms. This last time I said I was done and I meant it, still do. Unfortunately for me it's like he lives on my brain. Sometimes he's all I can think about. Sometimes I think I hear his voice. Most of the time he just appears in my dreams. One time he was visit my grandmother with me (strange because he's never even been to my home town). Another time he was at a social function bugging me. He was the first person I truly hated. I'm slowly getting over it. I just wish things ended better. Either way he's made me appreciate the guy I've got. And I've stopped comparing the two because I realize Mr. Giant may have few flaws but the ones he has are huge. I'm not in the market of repairing men so if I can't live with you the way you are then I have to move on. Anyway here's a writing, poem if you will, about my situation (written by ME!!!)Mental Adultery
I’m lying with him…
I’m thinking of you…
I wonder if he can see you on my mind
Taste you on my lips, smell you on my skin.
How can I be envisioning you now?
My mental betrayal sickens me.
I’m content with him, comfortable.
So how is it I still want you?
I mesh so well with him, we fit.
But I know I’m made for you.
I know I am what you need, what you want.
I play the fool giving you your destiny prematurely.
I should wait, wait for your realization.
How could you not see it? See this?
Is it really possible to be this blind?
Yes, it’s possible because I can’t see him.
I must be deaf. I can’t hear him either.
Maybe I’m defective, I can’t trust him.
Then again I can't be defective. I see you
Hear you, trust you, and know your unsung melody.
It’s you that blocks him from me.
It’s you that I’m waiting on.
Still thinking of you…
Still lying with him…
~~~~~~~~~~~~The Continuation~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I accept who he is;
Acknowledging his faults, embracing them.
I wish he was you, though.
Why isn’t he you?
Why aren’t you the one next to me?
His smell is inviting, but it’s not yours.
Your scent is intoxicating.
His taste is sweet but yours is delectable, irresistible.
It’s your flavor I crave.
It’s your body and touch I desire.
I enjoy time spent with him.
But it’s during our time together that I come alive.
How can I be so dissatisfied with him?
I wish I could get you out of my head.
You are intertwined with my happiness.
Please just come to me, stop my yearning.
I’ve become an absentee lover;
Guilty of alienation of affection.
I pretend his touch is yours, his kiss is yours.
Do you realize what we have? What we could have?
I guess not, I guess I’ll wait…
Wait here with him…
